Today’s post has nothing to do with writing. Correction–it flutters around the edges of my writing life, but the star of this post is my Knight in Slightly Muddy Armor and his Invisible Gang of Game Domination. As I write this, I have my headphones on and music pouring in, but it still does nothing to drown out the harsh battle cries behind me.
Those who’ve trailed along my blog for any length of time, understand that I am outnumbered in my humble abode. To the point I had to bring in the Fur Minxes to even the gender scales. With my beautiful, female labs at my side, we manage to hold off the tide of testosterone. For the most part.
Except for the Digital Arena of Epic Battles.
My Prankster Duo has graduated from the dignified world of architectural design known as MineCraft, and have joined my Knight on the bloodied sands of battlefields that stretch from fantastic worlds where cries of “Gank him! I’m going mid! Where the hell are you?” ring through the air, and more modern urban settings where abrupt calls of “He’s got a mini-gun, RUN!” echo off bullet-ridden structures.
This has become the soundtrack to what writing time I manage to carve out during the week after returning from the trenches of my day-job. Most of the time, I can drown them out. Then there are those times when I’m trying to gain the attention of one of the three males in my home, only to realize I’d have an easier time trapping a leprechaun at the end of the damn rainbow and mugging him for his pot of gold.
Those times are when Knight’s Invisible Gang of Game Domination get the most fun of eavesdropping into my life.
For years, I’ve teased my Knight that he has invisible friends, and he has no idea if the voices he’s conversing with really belong to a group over the age of eighteen. According to my Knight and the tinny cries coming from his headphones, they hold paying jobs, are above the age of twenty-five, and at least three (could be four) of the five have significant others. (I maintain the right to my skepticism until I see a real flesh and blood bodies attached to said tinny voices.) Which means, that the conversations they are getting the privilege of listening too, should not be a big surprise, right? Right. Because I can’t be the only frustrated significant other out there.
The Invisible Gang have played audience to such fascinating conversations as:
Me-Knight? *crickets, which requires I up my volume of delivery* KNIGHT?
Knight-I’m in the middle of this.
Me-Are you going to die? Because if death isn’t imminent, I want an answer.
Knight-*fiercely focused on dual screens, while a bunch of small figures rush around on something straight out of Lord of the Rings*
Me–*waving hand two millimeters in front of his face, as he dodges to continue chasing unicorns or whatever* Seriously? Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight, because I could strip and dance naked in front of you and it wouldn’t matter would it?
Knight- *quick glance to me with cheeky ass grin, then right back to chasing evil, demon infested unicorns, or maybe they’re apes riding unicorns? Who the hell knows.* You do know the mic’s open and they’re all listening in?
Me-*sighing heavily, because I’m well aware after years of this that there is an entire invisible horde in my house* Hey guys, hurry the hell up, I need Knight to empty the garbage.
Or our most current scenario regarding the importance of logging receipts.
Me-*growling in frustration as another undocumented charge appears not to have been logged in our financial tally sheet* Knight, where the hell is the receipt for your mid-day meal consumption?
Knight-*holding back an invading horde of trolls in dresses* What?
Me-*trying hard not to wrap my hands around his neck and shake him* Where…is…the…f*&^ing receipt for (insert local eatery name here)?
Knight-*swears under his breath, then curses at the screens before finally saying–* I don’t know.
Me-*knowing the Invisible Gang is listening* Perhaps you might want to WRITE DOWN what you spend, dear? *add in heavily edged sarcasm*
Fast-foward to later that day as Knight and I are getting ready to head out to dinner with friends.
Knight-*taking leave of Invisible Gang* I’m heading out guys! * a pause, followed by a guilty look my way* Um, yeah, I will.
As we head to our chose transportation, I ask, “You will, what?”
Knight *muttering* “The guys told me I’d better make sure I get the f*&^%ing receipt.”
My response–a very satisfied smile. Lesson learned achievement-UNLOCKED. Next step-Mastering.
Those are a few of the milder versions of conversations. There have been heated exchanges between Knight and I while the Invisible Gang adds their two cents. Most of the time their two cents comes along with teasing digs and sly humor. It’s one of the reasons they’re still breathing (if they are alive). A quick, sharp wit is appreciated in my household, whether you’re on this side of the headphones and mic, or the other. And because I have yet to figure out how to reach through the internet and strangle those on the other end.
There’s one particular Gang member who loves to taunt the writer about reading her books. Yes, I see by the horror on your face you understand the depth of his crime. He’s yet to learn it’s a dangerous to tempt someone who could put you in a book and inflict more dps than anything he’s faced on screen. (Dps=damage per second, not Dept. of Public Services, I know, I know.) Or maybe our author’ll bypass the book and go straight for the weekly blog! I did warn you!
All in all, as much grief as I give the Knight and his crew, I’ve seen the memes and texts they exchange, and must admit there has to be something more than AI on the other end, and they’re pretty frickin’ hilarious most times. If there were closer than say the other side of the country, we might even get together in a real world environment (gasp)! As a writer who can live in an entire universe in my head, I really have no room to toss pebbles at the glowing computer monitors, but it’s fun to do. Of course, they don’t even notice because they’re too busy chasing unicorn riding apes, dominating dress-wearing trolls and speaking in tongues to notice the house burning to ash around them. At least until it interferes with their internet connection, then the world shall truly end.